Reading Buddhist Priory

We celebrated a festival for the Buddha's Renunciation yesterday. This is something which can seem remote from ordinary life and practice - something exceptional. I have found it helpful to explore this and we talked about it afterwards with tea.

The Buddha-to-be would surely have been, at least to some degree, of a thoughtful, perceptive, caring character. It is said that he was predicted to be a great leader, either in a secular or spiritually sense, and that his father knew he might wish to leave for a renunciate life. Then comes seeing and realising the reality of life outside the artificial and pampered life of the palace - and His view and awareness began to change. His purpose became a real question. It would have been, I'm sure, not only a deeply difficult thing to do to leave behind a whole world of privilege, comfort, family, wife and child - but also not completely unexpected for those who knew him well.

My experience and sense is that renunciation is neither an idea we may come up with that we should do, or a sudden imposition from somehwere outside ourselves of seeing things in a new way (though I know this can be experienced as a sudden shock) - but more of an unfolding clarifying, an inner 'reshuffling' of views and priorities, a reorientation. Not something unconnected with oneself and one's life, but something just becomes clear it is 'right to do' within that particular body / mind / life at that time, with a growing imperative if ignored or put aside.

This was my experience of realising I needed to become a monk. It took a good while to clarify and slowly emerged and kept pulling at me. My home, work, life, interests etc all remained the same - they were fine - but they slid somehow from a central place and something else arose, which was very elusive but also increasingly strong. I was surprised that even some of my work colleagues were not surprised when I announced I was leaving and going to a monastery. We might say these days that it happened organically. It was still a real step into the unknown and there was fear - yet there seemed to be help, a 'yes' which helped me take each step.

This shows me that there is no need to WORRY about maybe I should be doing something different, or I am OK living like this? Our work is to do what is in front of us as wholeheartedly as we are able(which will wax and wane being human). Our practice emphasises the willingness to tune our inner antenna as to what is needed, but also, as Rev. Master Daishin says, 'Trust that what you are doing is allright unless something shows you otherwise.' There is nothing apart here - it is all connected and changing. The central thing is letting go which naturally allows us to face life and our reactions to it more directly. The other key element is the willingness to follow what we see as best as we can.

This is for me how the festival connects with our ordinary practice (and how the Buddha's teaching is never seperate from us). Each moment is always into the unknown and to have the courage and faith to take each step without clinging to ideas or worries about how it should be allows both our inner sense of the true (however elusive it may be) and everything around us to show us what is needed. Very occasionally this may be a big decision, but it is usually just getting on with living.

Sitting quietly by my window today, I watched a buzzard soaring effortlessly. I believe some early scientists, observing such a sight, set out to copy what they saw. One of the earliest attempts to fly was to create large winglike structures, tie one to each arm, jump from a height and try to flap. People actually died, not knowing that a bird has a complete body physiology that works perfectly for flying.

What was behind that wish to fly? I don't know, it could have been scientific endeavour,fine - or maybe a yearning to be free, unhindered, effortless? Whatever way we describe a deep wish like this (if we can at all) can we recognise it is not something which could ever be answered by imitating this or that, having this or that experience? It is much more profound than that.

Our concerns and physical stresses may well drift away as we float on our backs in warm water under the sun and we may say "This is bliss", but it doesn't last, we enjoy it - and recognise it is not a true answer; we have to get out and do all that our life requires.

Life would be hell if our deepest yearning was unrealisable. Fortunately it's not - the yearning is a compassionate 'call' to stop looking externally for a 'fix' to tweak the dissatisfaction we experience, but instead to explore the actual reality of our life. It is far from easy to discern what it is we really seek, and we may try all sorts of things which we think may be the answer and are disheartened and doubt when they do not work out as we hoped.

So how do we find and answer our deepest wish? In our practice, we stop, turn within, and sit still with everything, accepting it just as it is. Our dissatisfaction is experienced as the changing elusive feeling that it is. To recognise all the judgement, striving and resistance, see how we are affected by it and let it be is the way to find true freedom - because this is unadorned reality, our life as it is.

It doesn't become constant heaven - this is fantasy. A true human life has all the richness of human experience and is fully lived. As I see it, I live fully when I accept what comes to me and look to see within it all what is needed? There is something here which is more than it sounds, more than the sum of the parts. I can't say what it is but know we can experience the simple joy of doing what is needed.

I am working on the calendar for the next four months, from January to April, and this has given me the opportunity to look back and review how things have gone.

I have a feeling to change the work days to be something more flexible. A big thank you to those who have come and helped around the priory, on the library and in the garden. I have appreciated both the offerings of work and the chance to spend time with some of you in a more informal way.

My thought is to have a day where what we do depends on who comes, the weather and what seems called for at the time. I came up with the name 'Sangha Days at the priory' as it will be about us doing things together. There will probably be a time of working on a project, one or two periods of meditation, tea and the chance to talk together, lunch if you wish (please bring something to share) sometimes there will be some preparation for a festival, perhaps we may go for a walk together sometimes.

If you find have some free time during the day and would like to come, just give a call or email and we can see between us what is on the cards for that day. It would be good to see you and have the chance to be together in this more fluid way.

I have put some days on the calendar and we can see how this works over the next four months.